


the blood on his hands

by UnusuallyNormal



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Then fluff, an unnecessary amount of kissing, angst/comfort a bit at the beginning??? it doesn't ever get too tearjerky don't worry, canon divergent after like chapter 108-ish, second chapter's just smut lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2326232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnusuallyNormal/pseuds/UnusuallyNormal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide takes him all in – the torn clothes, the dirt and the sweat, the mask pushed down around his neck, the blood drying on his skin and matting his hair – and meets his eyes with a pleased grin. “Kaneki!” he exclaims, opening the door wide. “Great to see you, man! Want to come in?”</p><p>_________<br/>ok i named this thing blood on his hands because. there is. actual blood. on his hands. eventually i realized it's also a figure of speech but by then i was attached to the title so i'm keeping it. and fuck you english</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote most of this before the manga finished, but, like. you know. soul-crushing, and all that. i couldn't work on it for a while.
> 
> first chapter could be read as a oneshot if u want
> 
> this is a not-very-well-thought-out canon divergent au where kaneki and hide ran into each other at the bookstore that one time after all and now kaneki's still floating around breaking heads and looking for info and he's not dead

It's been so long since he's stood in front of this door, and yet, it feels like nothing has changed. He's half convinced nothing has. Kaneki will knock, and Hide will answer, and inside they'll sit together as they always do, having dinner, and later collapsing on the couch to play video games. That or they'll rent a movie – maybe a thriller. Hide always hides his face in Kaneki's shoulder during the scary bits, and after it's over Kaneki teases him about it until Hide pokes him enough to shut him up. They'll still be awake late into the night, sharing a blanket and eating popcorn, talking about nothing in particular. Kaneki can't count the number of times they've fallen asleep that way, on the couch in front of the TV, and awoken late the next day, covered in snack crumbs but warm, tangled up in each other.

But things, undeniably, _are_ different. As of now, he might as well be a stranger.

Hide _knows_ , of course, but they haven't _talked_ about it, since their reunion. The day in the bookstore. The day he and Hinami had gone out, the day he'd met Takatsuki Sen, the day he'd brushed past someone standing in the doorway, someone who'd grabbed his arm and held him there and that was the day he found himself chest-to-chest with his oldest friend.

Who …. hadn't been surprised by the way he had changed? Who had been okay with it? Who told him, with a grin as carefree as his grins had always been, to come by sometime – so they could hang out?

Kaneki tips his head back, tracing the door's frame with his gaze. He'd come by, all right, but somehow Kaneki doesn't think this is what Hide meant by “hang out.” Another drop of blood falls sluggishly from his hand. He should probably go home. But, but he can't. Something brought him here, and it's that same instinct that keeps him from leaving.

He raises his fist – the one with the least blood on it – and knocks. Presently, footsteps sound from inside. The door slides open.

Hide takes him all in – the torn clothes, the dirt and the sweat, the mask pushed down around his neck, the blood drying on his skin and matting his hair – and meets his eyes with a pleased grin. “Kaneki!” he exclaims, opening the door wide. “Great to see you, man! Want to come in?”

Kaneki blinks up at him, stiff and uncertain – Hide's greeting is so _normal_ – and nods. “Thank you,” he says softly, taking a tentative step forward.

Hide lets go of the door and heads back inside, hesitating at the entrance to the kitchen to check that Kaneki is still there. He is, shutting the door politely behind him and removing his shoes, tucking them against a wall. “Go ahead and sit down,” Hide calls out. “But like, maybe not on a light-colored chair, because ….”

“Of course, thank you,” says Kaneki automatically, and Hide disappears into the kitchen.

He still isn't sure what he'd intended, coming here. All he knew was that he couldn't face Banjou – not him, no, nor Hinami – not again. He'd messed himself up too many times, and too many times they had been the ones to put him back together, with their gentle hands and sympathetic voices and all-too-forgiving words. He hadn't wanted to make them do that yet again.

_(So his solution was dumping himself on Hide, instead. Real nice going, Ken. That makes everything better.)_

Hide comes back out from the kitchen, a glass of water and a roll of paper towels in his hands. “Dude, I told you to sit down,” he says. “You look really tired! Here, take this one. It's wood, so it'll clean up easy. You don't have to worry about bleeding on it or anything, okay?”

Kaneki _is_ tired, tired to the bone. His legs hurt, much like the rest of him. He's exhausted, and sore, and feels vaguely disgusting and _salty_ from the sweat, mud, and blood all over his skin. Sitting down sounds wonderful. “Thank you,” he says yet again, and accepts the chair.

Hide rolls his eyes. “That's seventy-five percent,” he mutters, giving Kaneki's arm a good-natured nudge. It's a soft nudge, mindful of potential injuries.

“Sorry, what?” Kaneki asks.

“Since you got here you've said four things, and seventy-five percent of those things were 'thank you',” Hide clarifies. “Well,” he reconsiders, “now you've said five things, so it's only sixty percent, but still.” He gives Kaneki a long-suffering look. “It's only me, you know, and you've been here a thousand times. Relax a bit!”

Hide is relieved to see the hard line of Kaneki's mouth twitch a little. It's not a smile, but it's close. “Sorry, Hide,” he says.

“Whatever,” Hide dismisses. He sets the cup of water down on the table and rips a section of towel off the roll. He folds it in half and dips the corner in the water. “Mind if I get the blood off your face?” he asks – still with the same casual air, still acting like this is totally normal. Kaneki nods, and Hide kneels next to him, pressing the towel to his face.

“So what happened?” he asks conversationally.

“Got in a fight,” Kaneki says, and Hide laughs, an easy, genuine sound that automatically sets Kaneki more at ease.

“Of _course_ , idiot. I knew _that_ much. But details, details! How many were there? Did you win?”

“Six, and yes,” Kaneki says hollowly. Winning brings him no happiness, only a small sense of satisfaction. And even that isn't always good – in the back of his mind, it causes him unease, to have feelings like that.

Hide seems to sense this, because he doesn't press anymore, but as he continues his work the small smile doesn't leave his face. He's very gentle, especially with the area around Kaneki's eyes. Kaneki can't remember the last time someone touched him with this much tenderness. It feels inordinately good – the warm water on his skin, the feeling of the dried blood flaking away, being cared for. Kaneki closes his eyes and exhales slowly.

“It's good to see you,” Hide says eventually, softly.

Kaneki cracks his eyes open. _You too_ , he means to say, but what comes out of his mouth instead is, “Is it?”

“Pshh, _y_ _eah_. Duh. You're my best friend.”

Strange. Kaneki's eyes slip closed again. The Kaneki Ken who was Hide's best friend is so far from the Kaneki Ken he is now, they could be different people. And yet, here's Hide, saying they still _are_ friends, in spite of everything that's changed. Taking care of him.

“Are you sure you still want me for a friend?”

Kaneki says it lightly, but it's a heavy question, and Hide doesn't answer right away. He hums a little, very quietly, and gives Kaneki's face a final dab. “Hey, take that thing off,” he says gently, indicating the mask hanging around his neck. Obediently, Kaneki removes it, and Hide sets it on the table. Some blood has dripped down Kaneki's neck and soaked into his collar, and Hide starts on that next, tearing a fresh sheet of paper towel and dipping it into the glass.

“I'd always want you for a friend,” Hide announces, honesty raw in his voice. “Unless, maybe, if you ate someone I like,” he amends. “Don't do _that_.”

“I'll try not to,” Kaneki replies dryly. “But I've …. I've changed, you know,” he presses. “I'm not the same – and not just physically, I --”

“Yeah, I know,” Hide cuts him off. “Which is normal. Because, I mean, you have to _eat_ people now, which must _suck_. But, Kaneki, I already told you I don't care.” Hide finishes with his neck and steps back to look at the rest of him. “Are you cut up anywhere?”

“Ghouls heal fast.” Especially Kaneki, though overall he considers that's been more of a curse than a blessing. If his regeneration ability wasn't so good, Jason wouldn't have –

“Yeah, but you're bleeding a bit. Maybe it's not working?”

Kaneki looks down at himself. There's a cut across his torso, a shallow thing running from his shoulder to almost the middle of his chest, and deeper cuts and bruises on his knuckles. There might be more in other places, but he can't feel them. Kaneki blinks. “I think I need to eat,” he realizes. “It's slowed way down.”

When he says that, Hide – no, Hide _doesn't_ back away, he was only turning to dip the paper towel back in the cup of water again. “Sorry to say, but I don't have any spare dead bodies in the freezer at the moment,” he says amiably. “Can you wait?”

“Yes,” Kaneki says. He's gotten good at ignoring his hunger – up to a point, of course. “I'll be fine.”

Hide gets to his feet, brushing off his knees and setting the bloodied paper towel on the table. “I guess I'll just find some bandages for now,” Hide says, half to himself. “That okay, Kaneki?”

Kaneki nods.

“All right, sit tight. Be back in a sec!”

“Don't trip and fall,” Kaneki calls, to the empty room. When he takes his eyes away from the door through which Hide had disappeared (had all but tumbled in his haste), he realizes a surprising fact. He feels better. Quite a bit better – relaxed, and safe, and it's because of Hide.

He's such a wonderful friend. Kaneki missed him terribly. With his kindness and his perpetual good humor, even in the face of Kaneki's horrors …. he really, honestly doesn't know what he did to deserve Hide. Just being here – something hard and cold inside him feels like it's melting, slowly.

A hurried patter of feet announces the return of Hide, juggling spools of bandage. “Got it!” he calls, and then his smile is replaced quite suddenly by a look of surprise his toe catches on the edge of the carpet. Hide flails, regaining his balance, but the spools tumble out of his hands and bounce across the floor. “Ah, damn,” he mutters, reaching down to pick up the one that landed nearest to his feet.

One of the spools had rolled its way all the way up to Kaneki, leaving a long gauze trail in its wake. Kaneki bends over to snatch it before it can roll past and under the couch. “I told you to be careful,” he admonishes, straightening and looping the loose bandage deftly back around the roll.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hide dismisses, snatching up the other fallen spool before making his way over to Kaneki. “Anyway, here's --” His face changes. “Oh!”

“What?” Kaneki asks, looking up. Hide is grinning hard, happiness fairly brimming in his eyes. “What _is_ it, Hide?”

“Nothing!” Hide turns his face away, biting down on his fist, but it doesn't hide his expression. “You're smiling. That's all.”

“Am I? Oh,” Kaneki says, bringing a hand to his face. “I suppose I am.”

Hide coughs. “Yeah. Anyway – hey,” he says quickly, “don't bleed on my bandages! Give that to me.”

Kaneki looks down at the roll in his hands, now slightly bloodstained. Oops. He hands it over to Hide, who quickly winds the remaining unrolled bandage back around the spool. “Isn't bleeding on them what bandages are _for_?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

It surprises a snort out of Hide. “Pfffft – _yeah_ , when you're _using_ them. But who wants to start out with pre-bloodied bandages? Weirdo.”

Kaneki feels something strange. What is that? Kind of light and bubbly. He opens his mouth and a laugh comes out.

Oh. That's it. Laughter. How odd.

“Kaneki?” Hide puts a hand on his shoulder, concerned. “What's up, man?”

Kaneki covers his mouth with his hand, but that doesn't stop the noise. For a moment, Hide goes still. Then he grins wider than Kaneki thought possible (even from Hide).

“That wasn't even that _funny!_ ” Hide objects, but he's laughing as he says it.

“I'm sorry!” Kaneki gasps, hand over his mouth. “I just can't --”

“Oh, let it out, it's healthy.”

“I haven't laughed in so _long_ \--”

“So laugh now!”

“ _Hide_ , I can't _stop!_ ”

“Oh, jeez --” Hide snickers. “Please never do!”

“But Hide, I think I'm --” Kaneki runs out of breath, and has to stop to inhale.

“Yeah?”

“I think I'm – I'm out of practice --”

“ _Pfffft – aahaha,_ Kaneki! It's like riding a bike --” Hide thumps him on the back as Kaneki begins to cough, choking on air.

“I don't know how to breathe!”

“-- you never forge – _Jesus_ , Ken --”

Kaneki swallows and struggles for air, doubling over and gripping fistfuls of his pants on top of his thighs. The laughter begins to slow down – a few last gasps, and he's getting his breath back, a dull, pleasing ache spreading through his abdomen. The mood's shifted. _Ken_. Hide hadn't thought about saying it, it had just slipped out … but he's not taking it back. As Kaneki straightens, their eyes meet, still crinkled around the corners from laughter. He feels good, really good. Better than he has in ages. How do friends like Hide even exist?

Something about that thought makes his smile die, just a bit. Hide looks down, biting his lip. “Ah – I'll fix up your hands,” he says quickly, getting to his knees by Kaneki's chair and picking up a roll of bandage.

“Yeah,” Kaneki answers.

Hide gets to work without saying anything more, but Kaneki's heart trips over itself a little at the care Hide takes with his hands, picking up the left so gently, turning it face-down, laying bandage across his palm.

“Why did you say that?” Kaneki asks suddenly. He hates himself for speaking up – what if what he fears is true, what if Hide's really not serious – but it's bothering him and he has to know.

“Hm? Say what?” Hide asks, looking up at him with a blank smile.

“That I'm your … that I'm your best friend. Still. After everything ….”

Hide shakes his head. “Um, because you are? I don't get what you're asking, Kaneki, sorry.”

“No, but …. I'm a _ghoul_ , Hide!”

“So? I told you I don't care about that,” Hide shrugs. “It's what's on the inside, right?”

“But …. but most people would be – scared, or grossed out, probably. Wouldn't they?” Kaneki presses, wanting – no, _needing_ an answer.

“Grossed out? Me? Nah,” Hide says nonchalantly, slicing off a length of bandage and looping a section around Kaneki's first two fingers, below the second knuckle. “Why are you asking me about this kind of thing, anyway?”

“Because it's _weird_ ,” says Kaneki, upset. “It's weird that you're still so … comfortable around me, even though – I could kill you, I could kill anyone! I _have_ killed people, Hide!”

“Bad people, though?” Hide asks alertly, shooting him a brief look.

“Well … yeah, but ….”

“Then it doesn't matter to me!” he announces, tucking the end of the bandage under one of its loops. He keeps his eyes fixed downward, though. And he doesn't drop Kaneki's hand.

Kaneki stares at the top of his head. Hide's hair is different now, just like his – though thankfully Hide's changed in the way hair normally changes (that is, by getting longer). He'd bleached it again, although probably several weeks ago – already the roots were starting to grow in brown. Kaneki sort of wants to touch it, but Hide still has his hand.

“I don't know,” Hide says lightly. Kaneki jerks slightly, inhaling. “I don't know why I'm not more freaked out. I guess – well, what was that saying? …. 'The heart wants what the heart wants.' Yeah, that's the one.”

“Hi…de ….?” Kaneki says slowly, realization dawning.

“Ken, I – I really --” His shoulders slump. “Ah, it's been _ages_.”

“Hide?”

“Quiet a second, please?” Hide's voice cracks, just a tiny bit. His fingers wrap around Kaneki's bandaged hand. “Just ….”

He leans forward, tugging Kaneki's hand to his face and closing his eyes. Carefully, mindful of his injuries, Hide presses his mouth there, to the curl of his fingers.

Kaneki stops breathing. _Oh_.

Hide's lips are gentle, his breath warm as he exhales. He goes over Kaneki's fingers again with his mouth, kissing each one with painful softness. Kaneki's lungs abruptly start working again. He gasps, a shuddering thing, his free hand flying to his mouth. Hide's eyes flick open and meet his. Their gazes lock. Kaneki's hand freezes over his mouth, he goes wide-eyed – not daring to move.

Hide flips his hand over now, thumb smoothing the bandage on his palm. Kaneki doesn't even feel the ache of the healing injury, now – his pulse thunders through his body, and he swallows, tries to steady himself, but fails. Hide's mouth touches his wrist, lips making their way over to the base of Kaneki's thumb, and when his tongue flicks against the skin Kaneki thinks he might fall out of the chair. All through it Hide holds his eyes – watching and appraising, seeming to ask a question.

He releases Kaneki's hand at last, letting it drop and falling back onto his heels.

Kaneki moves before he can think about it. He hooks two fingers under Hide's collar, yanking him forward, and bends all the way over at the waist. Not close enough – with an impatient huff of air, he abandons the chair entirely, kicking backwards and sending it tipping over with a thud that neither of them care about. Now, kneeling before Hide, his face sets in determination as he leans forward. To kiss him. On the mouth.

( _Awesome_ , thinks Hide, and then his mind goes totally blank.)

Kaneki kisses the way he does everything else these days – assuredly, efficiently, with a certain amount of steady force. After an instant of astonished stiffness, Hide's eyes flutter shut and a groan escapes him. He tilts his head, neck arching, and there's heat and his breath comes quickly and Kaneki is _good_ at kissing, when did he become so good at kissing?

Kaneki hums a little, in the back of his throat, and when Hide lifts his hands to lay them on Kaneki – one on the shoulder, the other on the side of his hip – he sighs, partly out of joy, partly out of simple relief. Relief to finally be here, to be doing this _with Hide_ , to feel Hide's heartbeat against his palm and hear the soft sounds he makes as Kaneki catches his bottom lip between his teeth and now Kaneki knows a bit about Hide tastes and the reality of everything hits him all over again. A shiver of heat runs straight down his spine.

He's needed this for what seems like _forever_. It's better than anything he could have imagined.

Hide moans loudly against his mouth, arms wrapping around his waist and tugging him closer, heedless of the blood and dirt on his clothes. They lose their balance and fall, Kaneki on top of Hide, onto the carpet.

Oh, _wow_. Kaneki's heart rate accelerates – this is a _much_ better position – with Hide's head tilted just so, hands sliding up his back and legs replacing arms around his waist. Kaneki parts Hide's lips with his own, licking against them questioningly. In response, Hide's tongue slides against his, and Kaneki makes a low, breathy noise and lets him into his mouth. That's _good_ – _oh_ – everything feels so good, kissing is really good, he really likes this. Urgent, he brings his mouth against Hide's again and again, until his head spins and both of them gasp for air.

“You …. you taste like coffee,” Hide says breathlessly, a dazed smile creeping onto his face.

“Well – it's better than the alternative, I guess,” Kaneki replies with equal breathlessness, tucking a loose strand of hair absentmindedly behind Hide's ear. Hide gives an exhilarated laugh, and kisses Kaneki again.

“So … you … uh, you like me too, huh?” Hide asks.

Kaneki laughs – an easy, light laugh that's actually _really cute_ , Hide thinks. “Of course. Of _course_ , Hide. For _years_.”

“What?! Really? Why didn't you say something?”

“Why didn't _you_? Besides, I thought you liked girls anyway.” And Kaneki – the Kaneki of the so, so long ago – had never thought he had a chance with Hide. Someone so self-confident, attractive, and actually _able_ to talk to girls …. well, Kaneki had hidden behind his books and planned to simply ignored the crush as best as he could. It would go away, he convinced himself, and pointed his attention squarely towards Rize, forcing himself to think of her. He didn't have feelings for Hide anymore, is what he said to himself – except he did, except those feelings never stopped – only ever got buried beneath everything else.

“I like both, duh,” Hide says dismissively. “But, what about your ghoul book girl? Before you knew she was a ghoul, I mean.”

“She seemed nice and I wanted to get over you! Idiot,” Kaneki says affectionately, and kisses the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, so it's _my_ fault?” Hide teases, pouting.

“No, shut _up_ ,” Kaneki says, and to ensure it, kisses him again.

That lasts for a while. It's been so _long_ , after all, and they've missed each other so _much_. Kaneki can't get over it, that he's able to do this at last, that Hide's here and underneath him and moving a little and – huh. What's _that_? Kaneki shifts a bit, and Hide squirms, sucking in a breath.

A- _ha_.

Struck by a sudden and impish curiosity, Kaneki presses his knee against the front of Hide's pants. He's both pleased and mildly surprised by Hide's immediate and unrestrained moan.

Hide pulls away from the kiss, flushing red, and tries to hide the sound with a laugh that fools neither of them. “Uh, Kaneki ….” he says, laying his palms flat on Kaneki's shoulders. “So, uh ….”

“Yeah?” Kaneki murmurs, stroking his cheek.

Hide's mind blanks out. “So, will you stay the night?” he blurts.

Kaneki blinks. Blinks again. He feels a rush of blood to his cheeks, and then another rush somewhere else. “Um. What ….?”

Hide flushes, but there's no taking it back now. “Yeah yeah, I _do_ mean what you think I mean,” he mumbles, jabbing Kaneki in the ribs. Kaneki yelps. “So, will you?”

Kaneki has to struggle to hold back his eagerness. He nods. Hide kisses him.

“But dude,” he says when he pulls back, “I hate to say this – please shower first. You still smell like blood, and I don't want to know _what_ some of that stuff on your clothes is.”

Now Kaneki's just blushing. “Yeah,” he says. Oh God. He's covered in disgusting things and Nagachika Hideyoshi still probably wants to have sex with him. Probably. He can't discount communication error. Well, more like he can't quite believe it. But still. “Um … could I use your shower? Do you mind?”

“Course not.” Hide sits up, pushing him back and pecking him on the cheek. “Please go ahead! I'll, um – well, I'll wait for you.”

Sometimes Hide gets all quiet-voiced and embarrassed, and then he's _super cute_. Kaneki can't help kissing him, one more time. “All right,” he says, and gets to his feet.

Hide rises as well, straightening the edge of his t-shirt. “Don't take too long, okay? Because – because hot water. That's why.” The corners of his mouth turn downward in an attempt to hide his smile. Kaneki smiles in return, knowing what Hide means.

As he turns towards the bathroom door, Hide catches his sleeve and pulls him around. His look of determination is all the warning Kaneki gets before Hide throws himself at him, wrapping his arms tightly around his neck and kissing him hard on the mouth. Kaneki, unable to articulate anything comprehensible, makes a noise of surprise as he stumbles backwards, catching his balance against the arm of Hide's couch and putting his hands instinctively on the small of Hide's back, pulling him closer. “What was that for?” he asks when they separate at last, though he's not at all annoyed. Quite the opposite.

“Nothing,” Hide says automatically. “Actually, something,” he reconsiders. “I really, really missed you. And …. Kaneki, you know I …. I'm ….” An emotion weighs heavily on his tongue. He wants to say it, but maybe it's not the right time – the words just don't come.

Kaneki knows what they are, though. He relaxes against Hide with a shaky sigh, resting their foreheads together. “Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm planning on posting another chapter  
> because they haven't quite been happy enough yet  
> but as you may guess it will be rated something higher than T  
> sooooo if you like that kind of thing stick around a while!  
> if you're not about that shit, great, just, /don't/ stick around


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the other day i found a smut edition of those "cliche bingo" things and i looked at it and then i looked at this chapter and that's when i gave up trying to make this at all quality. there are phrases that i literally just repeat over and over but in /slightly/ different forms ugh wow i'm bad at this
> 
> this is also shorter than i wanted it to be and i'm sorry for that

 It's such a relief – peeling off his dirty, torn clothes, ducking under the warm shower spray, watching the last of the blood swirl down the drain. Despite his good sense, Kaneki has a hard time doing what Hide asks and hurrying it up. It just feels so good, to be clean again.

It's still the thought of Hide, Hide and his new hair and his cute grin and his soft mouth, that eventually pushes Kaneki out of the shower. He stares at himself in the mirror, water droplets glittering on his shoulders, cuts from his recent fight now nothing more than white scars, and blinks. That had really …. that had really happened. He had kissed Hide and Hide kissed him back and …. and wow. Just. Well. Whoo!

Kaneki rubs his thumb over his bottom lip, as if to find some evidence of Hide there, as if something should have changed, from being pressed to his best friend's mouth. Of course nothing has, but it still feels like it should have – like if someone looked at him through heat-vision goggles, his lips would show up warmer than the rest of him.

There's a clean towel beside the sink – Hide's smell still clings to it, and Kaneki holds it to his face for a moment, before blushing, realizing how weird that is. He rubs his hair dry first, then, as he runs the towel along his arms and legs, casts around for new clothes. His old ones have disappeared – Hide must have taken them when he came in with the towel, and Kaneki just hadn't noticed.

Good riddance. They probably needed to be burned anyway.

But now, what will he wear?

Kaneki wraps the towel around his waist, tucking it securely in over his hip. Quietly, he makes his way over to the bathroom door, sliding it open halfway and slipping out, turning the light off behind him. The air in the living room is a little chilly on his bare upper half, still slightly damp from the shower. Kaneki pads across the carpet towards the kitchen, from where he can hear Hide's quiet steps. A question occurs to him that stops him short. Will he ask for clothes? Or ….

He catches Hide in the kitchen, in the middle of taking a drink of water. Upon hearing Kaneki's hesitant clearing of the throat, Hide spins around, head cocked inquiringly – and chokes.

“Holy shit,” he blurts, water spraying across the floor. He coughs, wiping his mouth. “Holy shit,” he repeats, breathless. “Kaneki --”

Self-conscious, Kaneki crosses his arms across his chest. “I didn't have any clothes,” he says defensively, but Hide is shaking his head. Before Kaneki can say anything more, Hide moves, nearly running to him, setting the glass down on the counter as he passes almost as an afterthought. He stops just short of Kaneki, their mouths a breath away, so close to touching – but not quite.

“Um,” Kaneki says, heart starting to pound. “I'm not – I'm not wearing anything,” he protests.

“And thank God for that,” Hide says fervently. “Please never wear anything again. Holy shit, you look good. Can I touch you?”

“Uh,” Kaneki says, bewildered. “Um …! Yes, but --”

Hide's hands are on him before he can say anything more. “Nice,” he whispers, tracing his palms down Kaneki's sides, fingers spreading over his abs. “Wow. I could tell you'd filled out, but it's one thing to see it and another thing to see it, you know?”

“Oh,” Kaneki says. “That's …”

Hide's hands move to his chest, warm, and Kaneki bites his lip against a sound too helpless and needy for the current mood – he doesn't know if Hide did that on purpose but it definitely makes him feel something, some tug in his gut. “Flex,” Hide commands. Kaneki does, rolling his shoulders. “Niiiiiice.” He smooths his hands over Kaneki's chest, and this time, Kaneki can't completely swallow the sound, a tiny thing in the back of his throat.

Hide smirks down at him, casually thumbing his nipples. Kaneki's eyes fly open at the feeling, unfamiliar but good. “Kiss me,” Hide says, in the sort of voice that sends sparks jumping down his spine, and Kaneki does, immediately.

Hide is very free with his hands. Kaneki doesn't quite know what to think of it, being felt up so thoroughly and efficiently, but since it's Hide he supposes he doesn't mind. At all, really. One hand wanders all over his front, tracing planes of muscle and bumping over the ridges of his ribs, which are just barely noticeable under his skin. The other is warm against the small of his back, guiding him closer. He moans, very softly, as Hide licks his mouth open, and at the sound Hide's hands go stiff, pads of his fingers digging into Kaneki's skin. “How are you so sexy,” Hide says flatly, against his mouth. “How??”

“I --” Kaneki tries, confused. “Um, you're the – haaaa ….”

All thought leaves his head. Hide's leg presses against him, fitting between his thighs, and he reels from the sensation. Instinctively, he pushes back, rolling his hips, which draws out of him another unrestrained moan. Hide's hands tighten on him again. “Ken, let's go to the bedroom right now,” he says in a low, strained voice. “Either that or I'll just have you right here. And that's not going to be comfortable.”

Kaneki sucks in a breath. “Hide ….”

“I'm serious. Floor sex sucks. Okay, not that I know, it's just something I've thought ab– mmmphh …. Goooooood, Ken ….”

The way Hide sways at his touch and murmurs against his mouth is impossibly attractive, thinks Kaneki, fiddling thoughtlessly with the buttons on Hide's shirt. “Bedroom …” Hide groans, grabbing his waist and trying to shove him back towards the hallway. He manages to do something, all right – as their hips align just the right way, both of them hiss simultaneously, teeth gritting. Kaneki's fingers stiffen, popping open Hide's top button.

“... Yes,” Kaneki agrees blankly. Right now, any other thoughts of his have clear left his mind. He tries to do the hip thing again, with partial success – Hide moans, hands sweeping up his back to grip at his shoulders. Ah. If he tries just one more time …

They both cry out, it feels so impossibly good, Kaneki presses against Hide, making sloppy, jerky motions that drive them together again and again and he hears Hide make a noise that sounds like a sob and Kaneki barely registers the towel beginning to slip away as the scent fills the air – sharp and thick and sweet and it's stripping away at Kaneki's inhibitions and he feels like he'll go insane again, but in a way that makes him want to be that way, makes him reach greedily for the instincts that threaten to overwhelm him.

His mouth is hot and rough on Hide's neck by the time he regains some sense – biting, pulling red to the surface of his skin, but not breaking it, not tasting blood. Hide, for once, seems utterly incoherent. Kaneki can feel his every breath, shuddering through his body, his hands grasping weakly at Kaneki's shoulder blades. “Come on,” Kaneki breathes, licking gently at the crook of his neck. “Let's --”

Hide can only nod as Kaneki begins to push him, stumbling, down the hallway. He can't form a thought – can't think of a single thing, except for how desperately he wants Kaneki, wants to touch him everywhere, wants to hear him come apart, wants to reach down and yank off that towel and cast it aside, wants wants wants –

When something smoother and more supple than an arm winds around his waist, lifting up the edge of his shirt, Hide thinks he might die. Is it possible to be so turned on it kills you? Kaneki's ghoul eye has grown dark, the fiery red dot in the center fixed hungrily on Hide. Abruptly the backs of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls backward with a thump and a yelp of surprise, pulling Kaneki down after him. The two of them land in graceless heap on the mattress, and Kaneki's towel slides to the floor.

“Oh, God,” Hide says in amazement.

“What?” Kaneki asks distractedly, fighting with the buttons on his shirt.

“Just. I've imagined this. A lot of times. And now it's real.”

Three buttons left. Two. “What do you mean?”

“You. Here. Not wearing anything. I can't quite --” Kaneki kisses him, because he can't bear to not be kissing Hide for another moment, and the way he uses his mouth and tongue makes Hide's mind blank out.

“Sorry,” Kaneki pants, shoving the shirt off Hide's shoulders and pushing him onto his back. “What were you saying?”

Hide is going to die. “Uhhh...” is all he manages. Wow, he can't take his hands off Kaneki. No, really. He's sure that even if he tried to, he wouldn't be able to. The guy is smoking hot. Those muscles. The eye. Even the kagune, wrapped around his waist – and oh, another now, flexing around his wrist wait wait what's it doing oh my GOD –

Kaneki doesn't think about pinning Hide to the bed, it's just something that happens. One moment they're wrapped around each other and the next he's got three kagune out and Hide's arms are immobilized. Hide gasps, an erotic sort of gasp, and Kaneki is between his legs taking his pants off faster than he thought possible and wow there they go neither of them is wearing anything anymore. Kaneki stares, breathing hard, and the way Hide smells is better than anything and he's going insane.

“Please ….” Hide breathes, unable to stand watching Kaneki stare at his dick without doing anything about it any longer. Kaneki looks up quickly, and meets Hide's eyes. Hide swallows hard – that eye of his should really make him feel more scared and less aroused – and then Kaneki's head dips forward and everything goes white for a while.

Kaneki has never tasted anything so good before, either. He licks greedily at Hide's slit, smoothing his tongue over the tip again and again, so gentle, so maddeningly gentle, and Hide is choking out these terribly attractive sounds that do things to Kaneki and he can't stand this, can't take the taste of Hide filling his mouth and Hide's voice and then and then Hide's hips jerk, bringing him all the way into Kaneki's mouth and against the back of his throat and Kaneki's not sure why this makes him … makes him so … excited. He makes a some sort of noise that's halfway between a gasp and a moan, and his kagune loosen around Hide's wrists a tiny bit and the taste is even stronger now and he just can't –

Hide pulls a hand free and rests it in his hair, pushing the back of his head down. Oh Jesus. Kaneki shudders, going hot all over, as Hide fucks his mouth, good and slow and he still tastes better than everything and Kaneki chokes a little, tears pricking his eyes, but when he recovers he only feels hotter and more eager than ever.

Hide's murmuring something, in a voice that sounds half broken – something about “oh God Ken you're so, soooo good I can't stand it that's so hot --” and then he breaks off suddenly and his whole body shudders – shudders – and Kaneki can feel him against the back of his throat and he needs, needs more, so he pushes his head down further, taking in as much as he can and sucking.

The noise Hide makes is absolutely filthy.

Kaneki groans and repeats the action, holding Hide's hips still as he tries to arch, head snapping from side to side. “K-Ken...” he gasps, then moans, and everything goes a bit hazy after that until Hide's breath comes ragged and desperate and then taste just explodes in his mouth. Hide cries out and Kaneki swallows on impulse, drinking him down and damn that's so good and he licks him again, coaxing a last few spasms out of him until Hide finally goes still, feeling completely boneless.

Kaneki's mouth doesn't stop, licking all up and down his length to clean him, until Hide groans impatiently and tugs him up to cuddle. “That was amazing,” he sighs, looping his arms around Kaneki's shoulders. He's never felt so relaxed. A warm, thick feeling spreads through him, heavy and delicious. Kaneki's kagune are the only things that move, winding around him and stroking him lovingly.

“So ...” Kaneki begins eventually. Hide can feel him, can feel him acutely in this state of undress, and knows what he's wanting.

“Shhh,” he says, lazily pressing a finger to Kaneki's lips. “I'm trying to think.”

“Mmmm. Think about what?”

“This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I want to remember it. Exactly how it was.”

Kaneki reddens and squeezes his eyes shut, hiding his face in Hide's shoulder. “Dork,” he manages helplessly, clinging to him. Hide knows what he means.

“So …” Kaneki tries again, after a while. Minutes have passed and Hide still hasn't spoken. “Are you … are you done?”

Hide's eyes pop open, and he gives Kaneki such a smirk. “Done?” he drawls. “With you holding on to me, all naked and hard?” He fits a knee between Kaneki's legs and rolls his thigh against his crotch. “Babe, I could go aaaaaall night.”

* * *

In the next several (several) hours, Hide's pretty sure his bed gets more use than it has in all his years of actually, you know, sleeping in it.

This isn't the first time Hide's compared himself to a rabbit, but it's the first time the comparison has involved something so dirty. They …. really go at it, don't they. He's not sure what the neighbors think, but he imagines he'll get a stern note or two after this is over.

Not that he caaaaaaares! He's having awesome sex with his awesome boyfriend and he doesn't even spare a thought for how that might scar his neighbor's ears. He doesn't have a thought to spare – what with the things Kaneki is doing to him.

They cling to each other, Kaneki's arms like a vice around Hide's waist, Hide's fingertips digging into Kaneki's shoulders. He can't think, can't do anything except continue making the jerky, erratic movements that send waves of pleasure spreading through his body, can't bite back the sounds that force their way out of his throat, can't make himself loosen his grip on Kaneki even a little bit. That sobbing voice in his ear, telling him “God please Hide oh my Goooood --” Well, it does nothing to help him get his mind back.

Kaneki himself seems to have lost it entirely. He jolts in Hide's arms, labored breathing catching, eyes unfocused and hazy. Kagune fan from his back, twitching and curling and twisting above them. His voice breaks and huffs and Hide can't stand it, can't stand how good he sounds, and when Kaneki lets out a sharp, strained gasp Hide realizes – he's bitten down on Kaneki's shoulder, enough to bruise. An instant later he realizes another thing: Kaneki's low, sobbing gasps aren't from pain but pleasure, he's into this, likes it, likes it rough – later he'll remember his nails dragging up Kaneki's back and how his skin tasted in that spot behind his jaw and how wildly Kaneki responded to his touch and it'll be enough to get him worked up all over again.

Now, with his face buried in Kaneki's shoulder, he finds himself unable to adequately express how good he feels. An aching heat fills him, spreading up his spine. It's too much and not enough at the same time and he can hardly recognize his own voice when he opens his mouth – they're obscene, the noises he makes, and his feet knead into the sheets behind Kaneki, nothing can keep still, he can't imagine anything better than this, and then everything seizes up and –

They come at nearly the same time, his hands fisted in Kaneki's hair and Kaneki's kagune tracing vague, clumsy lines over the bumps of his spine.

* * *

Hide's fingers dip along the curve of Kaneki's waist, following the lines of his body up his sides. The hours have slipped away, and it's well past midnight, but both of them are enjoying the other's company too much to want to sleep. “So … what about Touka, Nishio, and Amon,” Hide lists. “Fuck, eat, or share a coffee with?”

Kaneki nuzzles comfortably against Hide's neck. “I wouldn't eat any of them. Or fuck any of them, either, actually. I'd have coffee with Touka, though.”

“Nah, cheater! That's not how you play the game,” Hide protests. “You have to actually answer the question, man!”

Kaneki smiles. “But isn't it weird to talk about hypothetically fucking another person, when you're with the person that you're actually fucking?”

“Not really! For instance, I feel fine telling you that I'd totally hypothetically fuck … uh … what was her name again.” Hide rolls over, succeeding in further tangling his legs with Kaneki's, and burying his face in Kaneki's hair. “Haha, I can't even remember.” His voice comes out a little muffled. Kaneki can tell he's grinning. “Welp, maybe I wouldn't hypothetically fuck her after all. Not that, you know, it even matters. You're all I want.”

Kaneki's face warms, and he shifts reflexively closer to Hide, a strange, strangled noise coming from his mouth. Hide laughs outright at this. “You're adorable. Did I say that already?”

“... Yes.”

“Oops. Well, too bad. It's true.”

Kaneki makes little noise of protest. “I'm a ghoul.”

“Yep. But you're the cutest ghoul ever,” declares Hide.

Kaneki raises his head and fixes Hide with a baleful stare. “Have you seen Hinami?”

“Okay, okay,” Hide admits. “But she's like, what. Ten? She doesn't count.”

“She's thirteen.”

“Same difference.”

“Don't let her hear you say that.”

Hide's arms tighten around him. “Point taken,” he says affectionately.

The lamp on Hide's bedside glows dimly in the dark room. Deep, slanting shadows pool in the dips and folds of the bedsheets, and the outlines of the two men project onto the wall. Hide walks his fingers absentmindedly over Kaneki's hip, fascinated by the way the shadows move, and marvels mutely at the spread of goosebumps over Kaneki's skin. “Are you cold?” he asks gently, dipping his chin to kiss Kaneki on top of his head.

Kaneki hums, shifting, if possible, even closer. “A little.”

“Here, take some blanket.” It had all gotten flung off to one side of the bed, somehow. Hide picks it up and arranges it over both of them, taking care to keep Kaneki covered. “Awww, you're so cute.”

“Shuddup ....” Kaneki mumbles against his chest.

Hide kisses him again. “Okay.”

The minutes turn over on the digital clock. Wrapped in comfortable warmth, neither of them speak for the longest time. If not for the strength in his fingers, interlinked with Hide's, he would think Kaneki to be sleeping. At last, Kaneki's eyes blink open.

“If I start saying things in my sleep, will you wake me up?” he asks seriously.

Hide smiles his tranquil, easygoing smile. “Of course.”

Some measure of tension seems to leave Kaneki's body, and the corners of his mouth are upturned when he shuts his eyes again and cuddles up against Hide's chest. “Thanks,” he murmurs.

“Yeah, no problem. I will also wake you up if you snore.”

Kaneki laughs. Hide smooths the hair back from his forehead and kisses him there. Then he turns out the light.

In the end, both of them sleep solidly the whole night long.

 


End file.
